is it all wasted?

sometimes I wonder if I’m wasting my life away. 

I watch the seconds tick by to minutes, then on to hours, and on the days and weeks and months, and here I finally am, almost 16 years old, have I done anything? 

I matured so quickly in life that I’m left wondering: did I actually enjoy much of it?

I constantly I hear my friends discuss the “favorite year” of their lives, and I sit back and quietly realize I haven’t had a favorite year yet. 

there’s not a single year of my life that I can look back and remember it to be so memorable that I want to relive it again. 

and here I am, 9:00 at night, on a Saturday, I have worked today, and I still have school work due. And I feel so overwhelmed all the time, and sometimes I just wish I could be a normal little 15-year-old, that doesn’t have to worry about finishing out her senior year before she turns 17, one who doesn’t have to babysit her siblings day in and day out, one who wishes she didn’t have to worry that she’s not doing enough. 

I just want one. year. that is all I’m asking for. one year, not full of school, not full of drama, one year, that I can look back on when times are rough, and I can relive those awesome memories. I want to be able to remember that It wasn’t all wasted Hannah, the work was worth it, you had an awesome year that one time. an entire year without something terrible happening, without being stressed, without worrying. one. year. it’s all I’m asking. 

I just want to know that all I work for, that all I do, that all of it isn’t wasting my time. and is that wrong? cause I worry it’s wrong to think that. But I still do, and so I’m stuck here waiting. waiting for that one year, that one year I can look back on and remember. and smile. and laugh at the memories. so someday when I’m in the middle of busy college classes, and a full-time job, I am able to remember the fun.

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